A LIBERAL'S EPIPHANY

I found out something about myself that brought me up short and opened a Pandora's box of thoughts and questions.



Preface to this story is I was brought up by raging liberals. In fact, Eugene E. Debs, a presidential candidate (Socialist Party) way back when, offered my father the position of Post Master General when he, Debs, was elected! He never was. There was never a point made of a persons' religion, color, or where they came from. We forgave our Republican friends for their beliefs, we loved them just the same. So an incident last week was devastating for me.



I had noticed down the street on Church Ave. a veritable plethora of ethnic restaurants. I decided to wander down, being that the cupboard was bare. Okay, truth was I was hungry and lazy. I spied a new restaurant that was a purveyor of curries.



Several men were inside eating, reading, just gathering and speaking at the tables. I walked in and all eyes turned toward me and the room went quite.



Now, I would like to think my radiant beauty turned these heads and stilled the room. But, I promised you the truth, so believe me, I know the above thought just ain't so.



So, I purchased some curry, but I wanted more and better taste treats. Across the street was another place that advertised itself as Indian, Bangladeshi, Pakistani/Middle Eastern. Sounded swell to me.



I entered and the same scenario played out, but this time it shook me. Mom, Dad, forgive me for what I am about to write. All of the men and there were only men at both places, were wearing traditional Middle Eastern garb, were bearded and looked like Central Casting had been called to populate the room.



Yes I know in my heart, not a one of those men were/are a threat to me or the nation, but in that split second I felt I had slipped into a "code red alert." I purchased some food and plodded back the 5 long blocks home. Trying to figure out what the hell just happened to me.



Several hours later, after much soul searching, I knew what happened and was ashamed. Let me explain as best as I can and please try not to be too judgemental.



NYC compared to LA is a very small crowded and confined place. LA you drive everywhere and you are alone. The shops, public areas are usually open and widely spaced. NYC, you are jammed into subway cars, crowded streets with towering buildings, shops and people on top of one and another, no easy way out.



NYC, as we all know and have heard; ad infinitum thank President Bush, Vice President Cheney; was the place of an attack that had never been seen before. It rocked the city, nay the country to it's core. I went out of my way, NOT, to go to the site of The World Trade Center. Though I had worked for someone who had died in one of the planes, I really couldn't say I knew him well and the site struck me as something personal, not a tourist attraction.



I was downtown one day and by chance, wound up face to face with the nation's worst nightmare. I turned on my heels and hurried away. A couple of months later, I was working on a film, my office was less than a quarter of a block away from the gaping hole and our windows over looked it all. I was taken aback that the shops and buildings surrounding, had withstood the carnage. The owner of the bar downstairs told me stories of the day, weeks, months that followed. I noticed that a cold and gnawing fear would overtake me, when the subway car I was in, slowed down as it pasted through the old WTC subway station and I saw the work going on. Buildings right across from the entrance to my office, had strange spray painted graffiti markings put there by the search and rescue crews. I felt very mortal and more scary, a target.



Yes, I can assign blame to the media, oh let's not forget our glorious present administration, Tom Ridge and his color coded alerts that Fox News kept reminding us of day after day. But here comes the truth, I have a brain and I have been taught better. Some more truth is though those feelings coursed through me that fateful night of curry buying, Julie the Cruise Director shined through as I left the restaurant and smiled a real smile and said, "Thank you. Good night gentlemen, have a good evening." I meant it in spite of my fears.



I have gone back to both restaurants for food. I think they are getting used me and I have gotten a smile or two back.